Straight guys having sex with gays

I take care of my kids. [Russell, 54]

“Interestingly,” write Carrillo and Hoffman, “being dominated by a man seemed to them less threatening than being dominated by a steady female partner, perhaps because it could be construed as a temporary fantasy, instead of meaning a permanent change in the gender balance.”

This same dynamic popped up the last study on this subject I covered — the idea that men “get” something about sex that women don’t, and that because there’s a fully mutual understanding that what’s going on is just sex, same-sex experiences can be set off safely away from the rest of one’s (heterosexual) identity.

Are they lying? [Simon, 27]

I am not openly bisexual to society except in sexual situations … I don’t have relationships with men; I am in a relationship with my wife and only love her. Most of these men are also married to women and prefer to have sex with women. They conducted 100 interviews, with men who identified as straight but sought out casual sex with men online, hoping to better understand this population.

Identifying as straight also meant they could avoid stigma and feel connected to a socially dominant group. Confused? [Charlie, 32]

Some of the men did think that their behavior possibly qualified them as bisexual, but didn’t quite want to take the step of identifying as such:

I think everybody is a little bi.

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All this contributes to their sense that they qualify as being called straight or heterosexual, even when some also recognize that their sexualities do indeed differ from exclusive heterosexuality, which in turn leads them to adopt secondary descriptors of their sexual identities.

Same-sex sexual activity did not necessitate a reconsideration of sexual identity for four reasons:

1. The activity was infrequent
2. Sex was seen as recreation or sport; males engaged in same-sex sexual activity for the sake of physical activity or stress relief
3. Sex as an economic necessity; almost half of the participants engaged in sex with other men for money, and the majority of those reporting this were substance users
4. Sex as an accident; participants stated the sexual activity was not their fault or beyond their personal control, such as inebriation or the unplanned outcome of an argument with a wife or female romantic partner

Also, while engaging in the sexual behavior, the subjects avoided kissing, hugging, talking to the other male (or even looking at him), and leaving immediately following sex.[iv]

Similar findings were found throughout a series of interviews with non-gay identified MSM prepared for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in 2004.

They felt that heterosexuality and masculinity were “normal” and expected of them.

Furthermore, sexuality is multidimensional, and attractions, behaviours and identities do not always align.

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Brigitte Bardot Has Died The French actress and animal-rights activist was 91. Many felt that sex with men was irrelevant to their identities given other aspects of their lives.

Research with this population is difficult due to the challenges of reaching these men—the majority of whom keep this activity covert.

Due in large part to the popularization of the topic in the bestselling 2005 book On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep with Men,[i] Latino and African-American men are the primary subjects in research with non-gay identified MSM.

The existence of white men engaging in the same behavior is unquestioned but has generally been elided (even though our existing knowledge base on bisexual men, in general, is built upon the white male experience).[ii]

One of the earliest studies, "The Bisexual and Non-Gay Attached Research Project" from the early 1990s, found that participants engaging in same-sex sexual behavior but not identifying as gay or bisexual described themselves as “kinky,” “normal,” or “just a guy.”[iii] A much more recent 2010 study consisted of interviews with heterosexually identified men who had engaged in sexual activity with another male in the previous year; participants did not consider this activity as discrepant with their identity.

And they’re facing his ALS diagnosis, and what comes next, together. Isn’t that what this research is about? They would be more like a sexual experience. That way, they can tell themselves that their sexual interest in women is unbounded, while their sexual interest in men is not.

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A big chunk of the article consists of snippets from those interviews, which were primarily conducted online by three female researchers, and at the end Carillo and Hoffman sum up what they found:

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They interpret that they are exclusively or primarily attracted to women, and many also conclude that they have no sexual attraction to men in spite of their desire to have sex with men.

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